First Steps When Dating – Avoid “Projecting” Love
When dating intentionally the end goal is to find your soul mate. Sadly, many people “project” their yearning and concentrate on only miraculously finding that end goal at any cost – a new true love in a flash – not getting it that love ultimately finds us when we open doors, because nobody can engineer it overnight. Lust may attract, but love has to build from a real spark and chemistry. This is where your matchmaker is an invaluable ally.
As a professional dating agency, we find it is important to caution all Singles seeking new relationships to manage expectations. We encourage exploring and we suggest Singles have a game plan to firstly expand their ‘framework of reference’ on what dating (especially when looking to settle) entails from an emotional point of view……meaning developing a whole new mindset to the first steps in finding love again. Beating old patterns and doing things differently (because they were not working) means getting different results. Break a few of your “can’t do” rules, and explore all prospects, maybe you are pleasantly surprised.
Compatability is important but opposites can attract if the basics are right.
Love Finds Us When Dating With A Plan
Sometimes it may even mean a little change in you!! The first step to triggering interest from another party is the appealing bio/profile your matchmaker will create with your approval. Why do people decline to meet then when your dating agency introduces you to someone who can be a good match? Well, often because what they have in their mind’s eye may be totally different to what is in the real world, or simply not knowing who and what we can attract as unique individuals. It is fine to say “they must love me the way I am”….no fine, but if they will not even meet up what chance is there? We cannot force anybody.
As matchmakers and date/relationship coaches we get the strangest reasons sometimes on why there is a decline – we hear it all – nobody wants to be critical but everyone has their ‘fussies’ and we often need to overcome because they are possibly unfounded in reality. But some do hit home as acceptable! Men and women see things differently, and we try to cover this in our entry criteria. Everyone is different!! There is a lid for every pot and maybe the fit is just not quite right …..hence we say “manage expectations”…..but meet as many as you can because soon you will KNOW what you really want …and that is your heart flipping and your hormones racing….and you never know when, who or why.
We have a list of popular reasons for declining to meet – and often it is the visuals firstly that don’t do the trick- which we can do little about! We stress that pics are only a guideline ……and when meeting someone (even if not immediately switched on by the bio of someone) you may be amazed at the chemistry. But sadly, there is a scale of 1 – 10 and if someone is low on this scale their chances will be less. Only YOU can change this! Your date coach is your agent of change and your best friend! Face the reasons why you are not scoring that which you desire and address it – denial is never going to work miracles.
Wishful Thinking VS Manifesting Real Love
When it comes to dating, it’s easy to fall into the trap of ticking boxes and setting unrealistic expectations. We may dream of meeting someone who looks like a celebrity or has a huge bank balance, but the truth is that most of us won’t find that kind of person. Rather than dissecting every person we meet and comparing them to past loves, it’s important to focus on the overall impression of the date.
Meeting someone face to face is the only way to see if there is a real connection, so avoid long in-depth conversations on messaging sites. Meet as soon as possible to avoid creating unrealistic expectations. It’s important to remember that after the first meetup, it’s normal not to hear from the other person immediately. Give each other space to figure out how to interact with each other, and don’t expect continuous communication straight away.
It’s also important to remember that you are not exclusive, yet. It’s acceptable to arrange to meet other people at the early stage of dating. Don’t set your heart on one person until you have both decided that you will be dating exclusively. Taking things slow and not forcing the situation is key. Don’t try to force any situation and be gentle with your approach.
Before jumping in and meeting or introducing the other person to family and friends, make sure you feel comfortable with each other. It’s important to feel anchored and sure of what you mean to each other before involving others.
Having some expectations about how you should be treated and respected is good when you start playing the field. But it’s also important not to dismiss someone else because of trivial things like their hairstyle or music preferences.
Dating By Design And Not Default
We have many blogs on red flags, green flags, spotting a narcissist, what ghosting is, breadcrumbing and even pocketing are. Please check it out. Our Instagram and YouTube also has great new content – please enjoy and wise up if unsure!
Ultimately, dating is a journey of self-discovery. Don’t be hard on yourself when you make mistakes. Learn from them and keep trying. Enjoy the journey and be open to connecting with someone else in their own unique way. Remember, there is a uniqueness with every relationship, and what you had with someone else you will never have with anyone else again. It may be even better next time!
Sending love and light from our hearts to yours – please submit your Personal Profile and we will book your free orientation chat on how it works and what it costs (we can accommodate your budget) – and you join our awesome singles’ community too.
Shannon and the Team
Read next article: Dating Online and Dating Fatigue