Maslow’s hierarchy of safe dating
No, there is no such thing, but it is an interesting model to work with within the wild world of dating. On the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid is the need for food, water, shelter, clothing and a good night sleep. The next level is your need for safety – Personal security, employment, resources and health. Assuming you have that covered, the next level is love and belonging – Friendship, intimacy, family and a sense of connection. We all want to be ‘approved’, understood and be loved.
We Can Only Give Our Hearts Away When We Feel Safe
What does this have to do with dating?
According to the hierarchy of needs, one needs safety first. Only when this need is satisfied can one move to the next level and seek to find connection, love and belonging. According to Maslow this is a fundamental truth of how we operate in the world. Within the world of online dating, Maslow points to a flaw in the system – Online dating is not a safe space! Besides the scammers out there who are finding new ways to fleece men and women on global scale, there is also the less overt danger of going on a date with a stranger who has created a false online profile, a common practice. Going on a date with this knowledge at the back of your mind places you squarely on the second rung of Maslow’s chart, your need for safety first. Personal introductions when dating are still the safest approach – but how and where?
Expert Date Coach Deals With Dating Nightmares
Working in the world of dating has exposed me to the real fear that almost everyone who has dabbled in online dating has experienced. As the saying goes, ‘ if there is any doubt, there is no doubt.’ In the world of online dating there is no doubt, it is risky and dangerous. This is true for both of you and when this is the undercurrent, the desire to connect, be present and open is severely compromised. We cannot be vulnerable and confident unless we feel safe. How do we build trust with a total stranger?
Options are limited but there is another way and it is as old as time.
A Matchmaker Has Your Back – Benefits Of A Dating Service
Matchmaking has been around since the start of this dance between men and women. Today’s version is similar to the way it has always been.
The ancient skills and art of matchmaking meets technology in a modern world. Understanding the Singles’ landscape is a must.
A professional dating agency/matchmaker is in fact a ‘recruitment specialist’. Firstly, each applicant starts off by filling out a detailed profile. This is sent in and evaluated by real people who have mastered their people skills, to see if the applicant sounds like a good fit for the agency. If they are, their profile is then sent on to the next stage of vetting. A one-on-one phone call from a member of the team. The conversation explains how the agency works and how much the member will have to pay to join. Expectations are managed both ways.
It is at this stage that the men separate out from the boys! Scammers don’t pay to scam, especially when they get it for free on other platforms. This, however, is not the end of it. When it comes down to it a person who joins has to pay a substantial amount to be on-board, investing in a personal service that equally invests back in them. They agree to the terms of conduct, get professional photographs taken and know that they will be introduced to a couple of handpicked potential dates per month.
By the time you meet this person because he or she has been recommended to you by the matchmaker, you are in an entirely different space – You safety is no longer your main concern, leaving you with the ability to focus your energy on the pursuit of connection, friendship and, in time, love.
Maslow’s hierarchy has survived the test of time and is still relevant today. Your safety is paramount to your ability to be present, engage and invest in the process of meeting another person, risking your heart and even your future. Without your sense of safety, you may as well be fishing in an ocean with a toothpick and dental floss.
Perhaps it is time to stop looking at what is wrong with you and focus on what might be wrong with the system promising you love. Returning to the age-old practice of matchmaking is one way, and I would venture to say within our digital world, is the best way to meet new people and explore the possibility of finding new love. Finding a loving partner is worth the investment in your own future!
By: Relationship Therapist and Date Coach Eytan Nafte www.fromdivorcetodating.com
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