Our expert matchmaker and relationship coach, Shannon, works hand-in-hand with clients and often sees fear is blocking their positive potential in seeking a lasting and loving relationship. Dealing with fear when dating intentionally (and not with agendas) involves identifying the source of your fear and taking steps to manage and overcome it. Here are some tips for dealing with fear:
Identify the source of your fear
Take some time to reflect on what is causing your fear. Is it a specific situation or event? Is it a past experience? Understanding the root of your fear can help you better address it. We may have had a bad experience in love but can learn to see it as a positive lesson on being more aware and clued-up for next time! We may have been meeting the wrong type to start with. We need to know how and what is best suited to be an eventual “forever after” relationship – rather than just ending up in a “situationship” of FWB!!
Dating is like any project needing mindfulness
Challenge your negative thoughts. Fear often stems from negative thoughts and beliefs about a situation, or we may not trust our own social skills and run from fabulous opportunities when love can find us. Managing expectations is key – firstly that there is no 100% perfection until we work at it. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are based on fact or if they are just assumptions or exaggerations. Trust your dating agency because they WANT you to succeed at love!! Unlike online dating your agency is human too and understands your needs.
Take small steps towards facing your fear. Gradually exposing yourself to the thing you fear can help you build confidence and overcome your fear. Start with small steps and gradually increase the challenge as you feel more comfortable. We suggest all new clients start off with meeting ALL compatible introductions to see firstly if there is real synergy. Slowly get used to the dating game by practicing – and yes!! Also making mistakes!! We learn from our mistakes!! Use a roadmap suggested by your date coach and take baby steps.
Working with a Matchmaker
Seek support from your matchmaker who is also a qualified date coach. Talk to us and trust that we are never critical but objective because we want you to succeed! Talk to us about your fear and seek our support and encouragement. Or we can suggest a series of sessions with a coach or working with a therapist who can help you develop coping strategies. Trust us and trust yourself because you are making a positive decision to do things differently!
Practice relaxation techniques. Learning how to relax and manage your stress can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed by your fear. Try techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation.
The Dating Game has Rules (like any Game)
Reframe your fear. Instead of viewing fear as a negative emotion, try to reframe it as a sign that you are taking on a challenge or learning something new. This can help you approach your fear with a more positive mindset.
Take care of yourself. Self-care is important for managing fear and reducing stress. Make sure to eat well, get regular exercise, and get enough sleep to help keep your mind and body healthy. Sometimes we feel guilty because we may be out of shape or have little style and confidence (do something about it!) and be our best, remembering we may not be a perfect 10, but then the person who will love us unconditionally is also not a perfect 10 either!!
Overall, dealing with fear involves identifying the source of your fear, challenging negative thoughts, and seeking support from your dating agency. By taking these steps, you can gradually build your confidence and overcome your fear of dating and even eventual commitment. Value yourself and know you are worthy and deserve the best. We believe in you and that is why we invite you to join our exclusive singles community.
We would love to hear from you!! Please submit your Personal Profile and we will contact you for your free orientation chat!! Do not let fear stop you from enquiring – we will treat you with kindness and understanding always!!
Read our next blog: Dating Games – Fantasy or Reality