Dating and Communication – Those First Encounters!!

Dating and Communication – Those First Encounters Set the Pace for Flirting!!

A Connection Starts with “Hello”and Attitude!! A Smile Is Felt over the Phone.

The Unspoken Question When Getting to Know Someone – Eliminate or Date?

The art of light flirting is not an information swapping session, EVER.

Shannon, our recognized expert date coach and “relationship architect” has been helping our Singles forge strong new connections over more than two decades – often being asked frantically because we do not encourage texting until they meet: “what do I say on that first call – how do we break the ice?” by an anxious and very nervous person who seems to have lost their tongue in fear of the reality of actually meeting someone new!!

Are you a shy person? An introvert? An over-enthusiastic Extrovert? Do you babble nonstop? Or do you know the words needed to create keen curiosity in a new person of interest???

Let’s take a step back – our person-to-person and curated connections also include a dating service that shares many “date ready preparation” tips when a newbie joins us – and when that first new Prospect is lined up, it starts with the gentleman calling the lady first. Our ethic is that our ladies “gift the guy the honour to court and hunt” and that starts with chivalry when he takes the first step to connect and calls FIRST. She has his number for Caller ID and is expecting his call – but how does she answer when the Big Moment arrives??

Communication Skills Are Key to Successful Human Interaction

Anyone answering a first call from a virtual stranger when entering the dating game, should know the “rules of engagement” and answer with a warm and friendly “hello, this is XXX talking” (always identify yourself ….and even better, show the guy that you are vested by saying “hello XXXXX, thanks for calling”…..identifying yourself and show you acknowledge his awaited call by naming him. It is shocking how many ladies answer with “hello – sorry, who are you again?”….or worse, a gruff mumble and a lowkey growl!! Of course, he also needs to confidently greet by name and thank her for the chance to chat.

Get off to good start, for heaven’s sake!! That First Hello can change the course of your destiny!!! Make sure you have his/her full attention at the first spoken words!!!

And remember to limit those WhatsApps in the early stages – always!!! Nothing speaks to the human heart more than well-chosen words.

YOUR FIRST CHAT: After “hello” people usually then ask “how are you doing?” but this does not mean sinking into a long diatribe about your woes, aches and pains or awful day you had, how the dog chewed your new shoes……a warm response goes along the lines “…..ahhh, even better now thanks that we finally chatting!” and you both keep it light and friendly; you may mention what a lovely day it is, mention the weather or just find some easy banter……how time flies and you looking forward to getting some rest and relaxation this weekend (hmm? Hinting you are free?)…..this opens the door to light flirting too!!!

The objective of this first call is to nail down a time, venue and date when you can actually meet and spend at least an hour together eyeball to eyeball (in a safe place of her choice and not too rowdy that you need to shout to be heard) – although we are very impressed at Matchvip how many first dates turn into many hours of really wonderful communication, usually a positive result of an interesting First Hello. Think before you utter and have a strategy. It helps enormously if you read each other’s profiles and can pick up on the things you have in common and just swap small talk.

Turning Small Talk into Deep Conversation and Flirting

Is small talk a barrier or the gateway to deeper conversation in the verbal part of the dating game? Small talk initially is the way you intuitively read the room and open the door to more meaningful discussions:

Points to remember:

• You have noted your “new friend’s” interests and ordinary conversations can reveal subtle clues about what someone finds meaningful or important, and these should remain positive – never ask personal questions about why they joined an agency, why they are single or what their past relationships were all about – NEVER!!!!.
• It is not about delivering a barrage of clever talk but also LISTENING carefully!!! Research suggests that follow-up questions increase likability by communicating interest and responsiveness and this requires you actually feel the moment and lean into the conversation by listening and not rushing your practiced “speech” at them in a nervous ramble. BREATHE!!
• That first conversation is NEVER about deep personal matters and the goal in conversation is to keep a healthy flow of words between two people by noticing openings for depth when appropriate, not force every chat to be deeper or launching into what you believe will be awarded “Speech of The Year” by over-selling or over-impressing, EVER!!

1. It is NOT a Q&A interview!!! Nobody is auditioning for a career change or a job – or business partner but a partner in love and life!!
2. Two people are using all their senses and intuition to pick up on the strong traits mentioned in their profiles – confidence, humility, sense of humour and ability to actually converse.
3. It is never a “show and tell” session like a confessional.
4. There is no need to explain yourself and let your inner insecurities apologize for something you deem a weakness. Don’t self-sabotage.
5. Avoid those one-answer responses by actually qualifying why you say what you say – briefly.

Avoid those conversations that never seem to get beyond the surface as if you are afraid of giving away too much because it can sound dodge or cagey – all will be revealed when you are finally face-to-face – and if curiosity and fascination are present, hopefully over the next few dates as well, you will gradually get to relax and build TRUST and can share easily.

You want to exit the conversation feeling like you understand a little more about who they are and now have a keen interest to really get acquainted. Small talk is not the obstacle to deeper conversations; it is the very thing that makes depth and connection possible.

The Difference between Light Flirtation and Boring Conversation

We often assume we need to demonstrate our wisdom and knowledge and prove we are subject matter experts —that meaningful conversations need asking deeper questions on how to solve global problems or whatever – or worse, turn into a counselling session

You don’t need to introduce some profound philosophical question. You simply need to notice an interesting detail, and probe further:

Rather than switching from one topic to another, recognise an opportunity to move further into something that is more meaningful – make it lively and spontaneous – and FUN!!! The skill isn’t necessarily asking better opening questions. It’s asking better follow-up questions that are relevant in that moment. He/she likes animals for example: “So you also love your dog? Yes, my crazy old fur baby is the light of my life some days!!”…..that kinda depth.

But often people are so busy rehearsing in their minds (brain rush or brain fart??) what to say next and perhaps placing too much emphasis on what to ask next, and too little on what someone has just told us.

Listening Is the True Art of Flirting Narratives

That’s when you actually HEAR what they are saying and where you’ll find your cue for something worth diving deep into.

People who ask more follow-up questions relevant to what they are saying tend to be better liked by their conversation partners. Why? Because those questions communicated that they were listening, interested, and responsive.

And sometimes that conversation just falls flat and an attempted follow-up receives a short answer that tells us the other person would rather move on. Or you get ghosted and wonder why???

That’s perfectly fine. Exit graciously, thank them for the time spent together and wish them well in their search for a partner – and go home!!! Next one please!!! It is a journey of exploration until two hearts sing from the same page!!

Your Personal Matchmaker Is Your “Architect” Who Helps Design Your New Relationship Space!! Just Ask for Guidance. Tell Us Who Your Needs Are – We Are Listening.