Thanks for the input dear Shannon! I cannot begin to explain and thank you enough for all the guidance and fantastic coaching (and awesome intros to the loveliest ladies in SA!) I have received. I now understand why you say we all need a “frame of reference” on the dating game before we go out like bulls in a china shop!! I was the worst bull!! Despite being a scientist and doctor and a man of the world and good standing, and taking 20 years to understand life at a cellular level, I realise I knew little about the female of the species. My dating style at best was a bunch of flowers and, I hate to admit, trying to be a lady pleaser, which got me nowhere most of the time. Please see below what I have sussed out!
The ladies do have their insecurities and trust does not always come easy or quickly at all of course.
One must tread slowly and carefully every step of the way but must make sure you move enough and make the right moves at the right times. They like a confident and strong man who is not afraid.
A lesson I have learned is to be very honest and very communicative very early, talking a lot about steps, respects and the gradual process of getting to know. Know quickly what they require in the physical arena (hands and hugs or a bit of cuddling). With anything more…. if move not right or at all uninvited, they will retract into their ever-present shell quickly again. You can clearly feel with the sensitive ones all are of the opinion that men are just too physically demanding and inconsiderate – obviously from experience.
Communicate, communicate and explain how you feel, even own your insecurities and even laugh at yourself (this shows humility and absolute honesty). I am now starting a relationship with a wonderful lady, and she is the type who definitely appreciates this as she is sensitive and particular about expectations and clarity is great security and predictability for her. You caution always, and is so true “a lady must feel safe” and you sure ensure that!
Our two wavelengths are somehow so much better (well) matched thanks to your careful profiling……. one can just sense it at a first meet… and it provided so much confidence for a better chance of a good and happy match. I am treated like a MAN and not a wimp or a means to an end, and then, even more, I want to be more man!! I want to puff out my chest and I walk tall! I feel already I can take bullets for my new flame!
But one has to be alert and quick and so careful, with the sensitive ladies (who seem so strong and confident to the world and in their work) as insecurities cause things to be misinterpreted by them quickly and then their hurt sensors can trigger a mayor very damaging (in confidence and commitment) shutdown, maybe even immediately permanent shutdown. There are often not any second chances with insecure ladies. Please continue to teach your ladies to understand US TOO!!!
Kind regards
Your protégé
MN