Shannon, a recognised matchmaker with over 20 years’ experience in the “love games” and an expert date coach, often has to assist clients with questions on behaviour patterns emerging when exploring a new relationship – what is healthy attention and what is not? Whether they are the recipients of dubious behaviour, or afraid they may be unconsciously being creepy themselves, excellent dating advice is a call away!!
All Singles seeking to find love again or dating after divorce or a loss, thrive on attention, approval and admiration, and of course, what is life without being loveable and loved in a healthy “forever after”? We can make your next first date maybe your last date!!
Creepy Dating Behaviour Patterns
Everyone has their typical approach to dating in the early stages of a new love interest, and creepy behaviour patterns can vary depending on individual perspectives and cultural norms, age and personal levels of experience in understanding what works with the opposite sex, but here are some common behaviors that are generally considered creepy:
Ignoring personal boundaries: when an individual is over-eager and missing the unspoken signals from the person of interest, they may continuously cross physical or emotional boundaries without consent, such as standing to close (being in their face) touching without permission or persistently contacting someone who has expressed disinterest. Invading someone’s “sacred space” can be very unnerving. When then is “playing hard to get” or giving one’s all a good strategy? Timing is everything according to our matchmaker.
Dating: Stalking Can Be Subtle or Aggressive
Stalking may not be obvious at first and can be seen as showering attention on someone because the stalker believes they are being supportive and want “to be there for you” and is like a shadow following your every move – offering advice, help or dropping off gifts or offering to “fix something” for you. They may not have evil intentions and believe YOU NEED THEM, and cannot survive without them!! This can manifest by monitoring someone’s online activity, asking them where they are and what they are doing and being nosy, or by following them and turning up wherever you go and “bumping into you” and showing up uninvited to places you frequent. This is subtle and sneaky and often flattering at first, until it feels like an invasion of your privacy. It can also be “lovebombing” which in itself is an extreme red flag, with a flood of texts and continuous calling!
Usually, when in the early stages of dating, the red flags begin to manifest as overly intense or obsessive or compulsive behaviour: this can even be a passive-aggressive way of becoming overly attached or infatuated with someone very quickly or expressing excessive interest in their personal life without reciprocation. These can be early signs of a jealous type, insecurity, neediness or co-dependence. They don’t take any requests to step back seriously, and then the stalking can turn into snooping or spying or worse!!
Ignoring Body Language When Dating
Many inexperienced singles are blind to the specific dating “language” necessary to create interest and KEEP interest because they lack social skills – ignoring social cues or failing to recognize when someone is uncomfortable or disinterested in conversation or interaction. For instance, they may mistake being polite with an invitation to push harder (hunt?) or believe their attention is not enough, they need to be more aggressively persistent.
Often a stalker will resort to inappropriate communication by sending unsolicited explicit messages or photos, or making sexually suggestive comments without appropriate context or consent because they believe they are sexually irresistible or believe everyone out there is also hot and horny!!
Every human has their weak spots, fears and even past traumas from relationships gone wrong. A stalker offers a shoulder to cry on, support and advice and offers to be your dragon slayer, which is manipulative behaviour once they know your weaknesses. They then use guilt (you need their empathy and if rejected leave you feeling guilty), coercion (you need their guidance and help and MUST heed them), or emotional manipulation (you are a mess and need them to rescue you) to pressure someone into dating or continuing a relationship.
Dangerous Dating Habits
It is really a huge RED FLAG when a new love interest starts using isolating behaviour and is a warning of worse things to come. Cutting someone off from their usual routines, even trying to isolate someone from their friends, family, or support networks, which can be a tactic used by controlling or abusive individuals, is seriously toxic. Accusations begin to fly (you are unfaithful? Stupid? Stubborn?), bullying someone into towing the line (their line) and eventually monitoring them on every step they make.
Lack of respect for autonomy by trying to make decisions for them, controlling their movements, creepy innuendos and being overly familiar, are signs of trouble coming! Laughing at someone inappropriately, using excessive bad language and raising their voices to make a point – are all signs to block them immediately!!
How To Get Rid of a Stalker
Once someone has decided to totally quit this relationship it can be very difficult!! The stalker’s unwillingness to accept rejection can turn nasty and short of blocking them on all devices and communication, even getting a protection order may be necessary as they have invaded every space in your life. If they persist in pursuing someone after they have clearly expressed disinterest or rejection, drastic steps may be needed to get rid of them!D
A Dating Agency Can Provide Safe Dating
When smart Singles use the vetting process provided by a professional dating agency, many of these bad behaviours can be avoided as advice and guidance are always only a call away – your date coach or matchmaker is right behind you!! It’s important to remember that what may be considered creepy can vary from person to person, and context matters. It’s always best to prioritize respect, consent, and clear communication in any dating or social interaction and your match maker can help recognise the good, the bad and the creepy. Also, if you’re unsure whether your behaviour may be perceived as creepy, it’s a good idea to reflect on how your actions might be received and to listen to feedback from others, or turn to a date coach or a dating strategy for help.
We would love to hear from you!! Have you been stalked? Tell us your story and let us change-up your love life!! Please submit your Personal Profile and we will contact you!! Entry criteria and fees apply and we can discuss budgets!! Today is the day for new beginnings!! Love and light from Shannon.