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Not A Serial Dater – Difference When Exploring Multiple Dates

Shannon is an expert matchmaker and dating coach/relationship therapist and she is always faced with the complex question – “when is it serial dating?” when her members are enjoying meeting a diverse group of others, and there is a start of ‘interest’. What then is good about dating multiple others?

It is very true that serial dating is frowned upon and she does not encourage it. It leaves much devastation and emotional trauma in its wake, usually because serial dating is about using others and having nefarious agendas. However, how on earth does a genuine and well-meaning Singleton make a life-changing decision when choosing a life partner, without EXPLORING options and prospects out there?

As a matchmaker, Shannon introduces compatible Singles to each other for the purpose of seeing how they connect and if they find a spark. It is a myth that a matchmaker chooses anyone’s “dates” as actually, nobody is “dating” until there is mutual consent between both parties to see each other exclusively. A matchmaker connects two parties so they can explore and decide who is RIGHT for them.

When Multiple Dating Is Healthy And Done Responsibly

Shannon did a recent survey with her most active members and is sharing a really good view received on the matter. The truth of the matter is that even if you are meeting a few people and seeing them all in the early stages of forming a connection, it starts with friendship even if with a romantic twist – it has to be done kindly, with consideration and consciousness and done responsibly!

On the premise that all things being equal, both Single guys and Single ladies have the right to explore their landscape before making bad or hasty decisions. The days where men had carte blanche to hunt and court and pick and choose are over. The ladies also now can enjoy the right to freedom of choices – and this necessitates exploring and meeting a few guys, so an informed decision can be made, both ways. It works both ways!

The Dynamics Of Dating By Design And Not Default

Dear Shannon,

Thanks for the chance to participate in your survey, and this is my view. Ultimately you are the conduit during this human experiment called dating – all you can do is introduce us to people that we likely would not have met, and the rest is up to us.

The responsibility for the management of the dynamic is not with you.

.

At the end of the day, everything in life is about agreement and consent between adults. If two parties implicitly agree to exclusivity – be that in a trial relationship or trial dating, then those parties should stick to that agreement and give it their all. That discussion needs to be between those parties as you cant be the nursery school teacher in this.

Where perhaps the difficulty comes in is where folks don’t have an implicit discussion (afraid to raise the subject when it is very important, and this breeds assumptions and undue expectations, not so?) on what and when they want exclusivity. This could be where maybe it gets difficult.

I find that being upfront and open and honest cancels any ideas that because we had a great time, I am suddenly obliged to be seen as his exclusive property, until we have discussed what we both expect, honestly. We still have to earn each other’s trust and get to know more about each other. I think this is part of a healthy value system (of course, once you have been intimate too soon, all that goes out the window, then it is serial dating or dating for fun and games).

This is a tough topic because feelings are involved, but if both parties have the same rights then it should be a fair and transparent process.

By this I mean – both parties can see and explore multiple options at the same time. It is not that Party A only holds this right only when Party B does not. If that was the case then it would be quite a moral issue. Authentic and genuine Singles need to realise that it is about equal rights these days, as patriarchy etc., is now taboo.

As an eligible single lady I can only say that I value when a guy shows me attention, is still ‘the hunter’ and courts me because it is true what you say, we single ladies GIFT him the chance to court us, and our final word is final anyway. So then we need to also be sure when we do commit, that we are safe from exploitation or being ‘used’ as a means to an end, and the decision is right. It is not about ownership, ego or manipulation for narcissistic reasons. It is about the divine gift of genuine, shared and valued love between two people.

I think that what perhaps happens with more mature folks like we are, is that people do need to go through their options so that when they make that call for exclusivity they know that they have exhausted any doubts in their mind and they have made a mindful and emotional selection of their partner.

While the process can be tough (avoiding instant gratification), I think ultimately if both parties can navigate this time with maturity and honesty, when people then do land up together because they both want to be – that bond will be unbreakable because it was a very deliberate and specific choice. That is the true acid test of making the RIGHT choice, with no doubts.

Hope this all makes sense. Please keep up the excellent matchmaking, you really are a star!”

Regards
R

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Shannon is waiting to hear any other views on this, and if you want to find out more about safe and fun dating for upmarket Singles who are prepared to invest in their own future, please contact us.

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